Article: Let Differences Be In A Relationship
Context: The newlyweds April and Jackson (Grey’s Anatomy TV Show) argument begins at the dinner table after, Doctors Kepner and Avery treat a deaf girl whose parents reject Jackson’s suggestion of a cochlear implant for their daughter.
April supports their choice while Jackson doesn’t understand why if the technology and medicine exists, why not use it for their child. Anyway, when April extrapolates the difference of opinion onto their own situation (suggesting that Jackson substitute prayer or Bible study or faith, for example, for “cochlear implant”), the whole thing blows up in their faces.April reiterates that her faith is at the core of who she is. Jackson retorts that her God doesn’t exist. He believes in science, in medicine and in helping people. April’s response is interesting. While she wants Jackson to respect her views (and not merely tolerate them). Jackson is stunned by this (now both of them are offended).
In regards to Jackson and Kepner (Grey’s Anatomy). Kepner, Jackson accepts you and tolerate your beliefs because he loves you. He not with you in spite of your faith. He’s with you because he loves you. You say the man does not have faith in something he can’t see. Because, he has faith in science, in medicine, in helping others. You’re missing the fact he believes in LOVE. You cannot see, taste, touch, smell or hear love. It is like the wind, it comes and goes. But, you can feel it. You can know it intuitively. So Kepner for your information, he does have faith cause he believes in love. If he believes in love, he must believe in God, because God equals love.
Let your differences exist in your relationship. Why? Because, the reality is, they do and always will.
You cannot force another person to believe what you want them to believe or to agree with your beliefs. Neither cannot they coerce you to agree with theirs. If you do, you will push them and the love away. You become separate from another because of your need to control them. Your need to be right. Your need for recognition.The ego looks for agreement because, you are so identified with your thoughts, beliefs and perceptions.
It is your need to manipulate them because all you want is to be loved and accepted. But, you do not realize that you will never gain love and acceptance by control, force or manipulation.
They come from a belief that someone or I am broken and need to be fixed. Or, I do not have this, so I need to try to get this. None of it is true, and none of it will get you love. Because, you cannot get love. You have to have it, then give it, then receive it, then give it again. That is how spirituality works. Love is spiritual. It comes from within, not without. You bring it into the “space” of the relationship and it flourishes. You withdraw your love from the “space” the relationship withers away. It’s that simple.
If you can accept your own beliefs, why is it another person business for them to accept yours? Or, you to accept theirs? Its not, it is your own responsibility. Ego tries to change their partner to get them to agree with them. Love doesn’t try to change you, it accepts you.
Is it possible for two people can share opposing views without trying to convert another person to their beliefs?
Yes, it’s called listening. Its called loving. It’s called acceptance and tolerance. It’s not about being perfect, its not about being religious, political, feminist, sexist or anything. It’s about loving and accepting another as they are and not trying to change them to agree with you. Love lets differences be.